movee ur bod`

i love my day!

2007-09-09T21:12:00.000+08:00

hey hey.ha.its been a real long time.
had a busy hectic wkend.but i like it.ha.felt the wkends were so meaningful.not wasted at all.its been 2 mths plus ive worked in hsbc.time flies.and work gets more boring.ha.really hope i can get into GCSholdings whr fasihah is working nw and gets to travel ard!thats the only best part.haha.working in pub also helps me widen my circle of friends or rather connections.haha.life is still not too bad for me so far.one more mth to pay off the full debt.whoo-hoo~
today is fufilling.went to shape 5km run this morning.i tot i was going to miss it.cos am late.ha.but still managed to complete it with satisfaction though i yet to know the timing.haa..den went to help out in karin's event.doing the duck mascot.quite fun.though its damn tiring.haha.went to do facial after work.damn shag.finally am home now.yah!haha.goiong to bed soon...im loving it``whoooooo!

down down down.

2007-07-18T00:45:00.000+08:00

feeling very lonely...im in deep trouble...but no one was by me.none of my close friends bother to call or sms me to ask how i was.who are really my friends?or do i have any?why am i feeling so lonely.why do i need to call up and asked for consolation instead.am feeling miserable inside me.as long as theres someone closed to me care for me is enuff.but none.called and sms-ed andy alot of times but no reply.he didnt even bother to call me back either.whats happening.why everyone is treating me this way.is this a hard way for me to really grow stronger and stand on my own feet?im feeling very empty inside me.how i wish theres someone worrying and caring about me...so far i know..theres no one.the waiting of eddie's return to teach me martial arts is dying off...maybe he doesnt want to teach me anymore.maybe he has a gf now?feeling very lonely..................is there anyone out there?who can offer to give me a call and show concern...i appreciate wenrong who did that.but where are my closer ones...am i not someone impt at all?.....maybe im not...becos i realised when im in deep trouble..no one is ever there..........................my heart is tearing....but who cares....

3rd day after the accident

2007-07-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

i miss him....alot....how i wish he was by my side...supporting me...but thats my wishful thinking part.he wont even be by my side,he may just give me a good scolding and all the naggings...but i dont mind...the only thing now to keep me moving is to undergo trainings and learn my martial arts...i sincerely want to learn and never did i mentioned i will give up...but where the hell is he...is he abandoning me..?

i always have faith in god.strongly believes that god is just giving me tests of life.yes.though the obstacles i went thru each time is so painful...it did toughens me up in some way.im grateful...but...why am i always learning the hard way?am my character tat stubbon?which needs all these difficult obstacles in life to shape and build up good character?i also strongly believes that a successful person will need to go thru alot more so to gain a deeper understanding of life experiences which leads to deep thinking and serious consideration whenever making a decision or a move.strategy thinking?but...am i going on the right path to become a successful person?can i be one?im willing to go thru all these in order to be one successful and happy person.god..can you grant me this wish?this time,this pain is too much to bear.yes im lucky enough not to get caught by police.and realised that this pain is much painful than my last rs.all my future savings is gone before i get to earn it.this lesson learnt is indeed a price to pay.typed till half way.dad came to have a talk with me.i felt much better.what he says really gets into me.things can get alot more serious if things happened the other way.till then,he says...though we are not rich...after wad had happened..make sure u go n think deep abt it...money can be earned back..but if the grandpa n grandma die...or seriously injured..money is not the only price ui hav to pay for learning this lession...its police record...jail...big lump sum of bill that we cannot even pay off...and ur future...appreciate it...i finally realised the meaning of...no matter what happens,parents will still be the one helping/supporting you.i can feel that now.after so many things that had happened.thanks mom n dad...

i will learn to smile and move on...i dont want to cock up my life again.i need to work hard.no use thinking back...

a walking body without a soul

2007-07-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

feeling so good as usual after jogging.jog for ard 45 mins.i want to be fit!look good forever!whats with me today again.the fucktup feeling is back.after all,im not that strong after all huh.been thinking while running.i realised after all, im still relying on guys!what a bitch yea.i always want to be independent and be self sufficient on my own.but why am i spiritually seeking for guys shoulders?everyone thought i was strong to overcome the failure of my last rs and be back on my feet again.and living happily on my own.yes.im single.im living on my own,but what really carries me on is because theres someone im looking out for.eddie.though i know nothing will come out btw us.i relied on him spiritually.maybe because of his age.of his life experience.i sincerely want to learn martial arts from him.i want to be an outstanding fighter.i want to be OUTSTANDING person in life!im learning to be more vocal.was restricted because of my limited vocabulary and poor sentence structure,which brings down my confidence level in communicating and have difficulties in expressing myself.i could not take it any longer.i want to be successful in life.yes.words are beautiful.actions are hard.thats why theres this phrase.NO PAIN NO GAIN.JIALING,ITS TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE ACTION AND MOVE ON TO THE BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE!!!

YOU KNOW YOU CAN!SO WHY NOT?!

emo

2007-07-01T09:36:00.000+08:00

been thinking about the past a little here and there these couple of days.hmmm.am i missing him?i dont know.thinking back of the happy memories really makes me smile and at the same time,my heart is breaking painfully.it still hurts quite abit.realized that my wound was actually yet to recover.hes the first guy i really fall in love with.and the guy who hurt me most deeply.why did break up end up this drastic way.yes,he indeed changed alot after break up.to someone i no longer knew.a smoker,a drinker and a clubber.is he happy leading a life like this?where is the ambitious and know what he wants guy who i have knew?

when will you asked me out for a dinner then?or you just msged me because of a sudden feeling of meeting me up.do you still miss me...i wonder.i guess the ans is no?browsing thru your friendster.theres so many girls around you now.dont think u will still place me in your heart.am no longer an important person to you.

i have been trying hard to live a better life because i dont want to be make the same mistakes again.i want to be someone people looked up to.trying to reshape my character.and thanks,i matured alot after this rs.i just want to concentrate on my career since i cant get into uni for now.

i just want to be happy and be surrounded by friends.i will be back the cheerful jia ling whom i used to be.i will.i know.

SHUT UP!

2007-06-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

whats wrong with you or you all?! i just want to be myself! cant i? whether im introvert or extrovert,does it matter?!as long as i do my part and perform when theres a need to.doesnt mean i cant do well in events becos im a quiet person?and hell no.im not a quiet person.i just dont feel like talking alot to certain people.yes!i agree that i have to be more vocal in front of bosses and supervisors!but what you want me to say much to CHRIS?i dont care how you all think of me!i had enough!i just want to be myself!i will react to situation accordingly.getting disappointed and frastrated with me?!i dont know whether you ppl lecturing and nagging at me, is of my own good or just pin pointing?but i always see it as positive.becos not many ppl will want to waste their saliva.but you ppl will want to waste it on me.do u ppl really care about my life?my future?i dont know.i cannot take it.IM NOT AN INTROVERT!this is for sure!!!you ppl are really getting on my nerve.CAN ALL OF YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!?i need my space!i desperately need it!im spaced out.yea am always.i have a dreaming look.shld i say the same as wad u say?blame it on the genes then!im messed up!my mind is really tired!CAN ALL OF U PLS SHUT UP!give me PEACE!i need TIME to re-plan my route!
JIA LING!what do u really WANT in LIFE? what you want TO BE? PLS HAVE AN ANSWER!
LIVING SINGAPORE CANNOT AFFORD YOU TO MAKE A BIG WRONG MOVE!

chilling out

2007-06-24T11:15:00.000+08:00

had a unwind saturday yst.its been so long that i have really enjoyed the slow paced and relaxing moment. the day was fully maximized.feeling so great.hahahs.

stayed over at su yan's house on friday night after a hot fuzz movie with him and suyan.corny show.ahahs.both of us welcomed saturday morning with a lazy yawn.so tired.slept late the night before.next, we took a cab down to his condo to use the tennis court.su yan was teaching me.its cool to play tennis.but need time to master the skills.played for only a while because i was feeling dizzy to run to much as we did not have breakfast!after which,we went swimming and suntanning.then suana!couldnt stay inside for too long,i couldnt breathe properly.my stomach feel so empty.was like just eating air.hahas.den took a hot shower.shiok.hee.dressed up nice nice.next,we went shopping in town!what a well-planned programme.haha.i was so happy because i managed to spend within my 80 dollars budget which su yan set it for me.haha! i bought a rip curl back pack and 2 belts. i love it.so nice.hee.den we went for a quick bite dinner at Q bar.was going there to collect my pay.the finger food is expensive and looks pathetic!but charlie gave me 15% discount.so its not tat exp after all.phew~we headed to tasting notes after that.hahas.all around the same area.knew PS should be working, so we just popped by to say hello.we ordered a glass of dessert white wine called macarto basado from italy.it tastes very sweet,like sprite?whahaha.very nice.fav wine.su yan then ordered a dunno what tohu,forgot the name again.whahas.but taste nice anyway.we were just chilling the night away.hahas.it was 11pm,and so we decided that its time to go home.ahhas.as i was going for a mahjong session at wei's house.which was cancelled once i stepped into her house.waste my time and energy walking there.but its okays.because i really enjoyed the day.heesz.

refreshing yet a lil boring sunday

2007-06-17T12:27:00.000+08:00

yes it is.a refreshing yet a lil` boring sunday.always feel good after every morning jogs.hmm...=) went to "wen shen" yst.the predict was a bad one though.he says my luck is very low.everything will not go smoothly for me.scary,isnt it? i hope after praying to 3rd uncle god, he will guide me along and protect me throughout this year. after all, all these are just an piece of advise to me. whether to make any changes in my life to make it better is all depends on me,myself. though the predict is very bad, i believe that as long as i watch my temper, not to be too stubbon and be patience, everything will be over soon...n nth big will stir up. of cos i have to cover well my ass at work.i have to be very careful in order not to be nagged or arrowed by bosses or anyone.dont know why.i felt rather relieved after hearing the bad predict instead of worrying.haha.i strongly believe everything will be better as long as i stay alert in situations im in.

love life is not good this year either. all sweet lovely dovey romance will turn sour/salty once reaches me. sad huh. the master told me to take things slow, reacting fast will only cause good turn to bad. HE didnt msg me the whole day yst.hmm...and sounded so supervisor attitude over sms.getting kinda cold feelings from him. training later,hope hes in a good mood today.i dont want to get scolding or getting ass whacked by him.

*prays hard...hope everything will just be fine.

Be happy!=D

feeling fucktup.

2007-06-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

Enough!!!
work is not going smoothly for me.had a tough week.making alot of mistakes at work.im being eyed on!supervisors at both side were not happy with my performance.and commented my attitude sucks!just dont have any mood to do anything lar.still feeling sick.feeling sleepy.which made my temper not very good these few days.trigger off easily.i know where i stand.where i went wrong.but my brain is just not working.tired.quitted Q bar yest.i just couldnt stand ADRAIN! fucked off.you are so damn IMMATURE.dont always think you have all the rights to order or scold anyone as and when your mood likes!please grow up.your management skills SUCKS to the core!and pls brush up your communication skills!its terrible!dont always live in the past ya?world is changing and you are still stuck in your own world.wad brothers and sisters.who the hell knows are they really treating you the same way u treating them.they may be backstabbing you just like wad u like to do to others!you are just simply DISGUSTING!

i dont want to enter into workforce...i am not ready for it yet. why cant i get into uni. my results arent that poor either. is there a reason for the things that are happening right now?!

i know im lucky that i can get a full time job.whatsmore is HSBC.a recognition bank. i know i can do things better.is only whether i want it to happen.of cos i want it to happen.i want to be successful.but im not mentally prepared...

god...give me a period of break. i want to listen to my inner soul.i want to reflect and communicate with my inner self...

him.

2007-06-12T19:00:00.000+08:00

hey hey!

today will be working alone at night.hmmm.not scared!coz i didnt do anything that is against my conscience. sob.he didnt wait for me to come out from bathing before he go off...i miss him.*hair stands.haha.im falling...but am controlling.nothing can work out between us.theres too much barriers and obstacles.moreover,dont think hes interested in me either.too young for him?maturity level not on par?oh pls.hes 37.im only 20.our maturity will never meet.this i know it very well.but...the feeling is just there.or maybe infactuation?he has become part of my motivation to work everyday.we get to see and train together everyday.though hes fierce or serious at certain times,he will still joke and play the very next minute.how cute can he be?whahahs.to me lah.just imagine.hes 37.to many people's perception and description,mostly guys at this age will be bald?big beer belly?sluggish?very father like?but he does not even fall into this category.hes not bald.definately.hes fit.tall.build.tanned.has sharp features?omg!ahhahas.sound so attractive eh.i was not attracted by him in the first meet up at all.is subsequently,day by day,we interact and get along often.this is when i fall for a 37 year old guy!?can anyone imgaine that?i never expected at all!whahah.okok.enough.the post is getting kinda long...*hee.i do not know how long all these will go on.or will it still be the same after all of us move on with our own careers?theres this qns inside me...do i really want to participate in competition?or just because i want to be train under him?hmm...

*shrugs

give it to me

2007-06-05T00:49:00.000+08:00

listening to give it to me by nelly furtado and justin timberlake.nice swaying and grinding song.woot.hahas.hmm.i miss him.oops.miscommunication has been cleared.playing with eachother again.too bad.he will be having class in the morning and in the evening,which means i cant have training with him tmr.!sadded.lols.but get to see him can alrdy.whahaha.sound so flower idiot.hahahs
anyways,went ard bike shops with darling today, saw a FBA TW.nice!brand new!but cost 5k!haiz.too exp for a model like TW. not much demand in market alrdy.but still selling at such a high price.what andy say is right la.really cannot be rashed in buying bikes.wait till im more settled down.learn from him...1 mth later, if i still see the bike...maybe i will buy...heex.just couldnt wait!tmr gonna return adeline money.though not all.but at least i feel better.really have to work real hard now.

my current goal: scrambler!

crooked or str8?

2007-06-02T11:52:00.000+08:00

guess i have really move on with my life now.am feeling very relaxed and a sense of freedom,which is smth i longed feel for?lol. anyways, funny things happened recently. is this called fate?

crooked - will fate happen btw 2 girls? hang out with wei on wed night, which was our first hang-out after losing contact for almost 8 years!n just after the first date, she confessed to me!? funny isnt it? i just tell myself she may be just flirting or its just infactuation. im confused. i have phobia for r/s, i dont wish to be tied down by unnecessary r/s stuff.its tiring. after a game of mahjong at her place yst, she gave me a royce chocolate while sending me home. mel told me that wei has 2 sides, if she really likes the girl, she will do anything just for the girl.another side,obviously,is just flirting. so what is she feeling for me?is it for real?i didnt want to think much either.kai xin jiu hao?lol.the feeling is good when there is someone giving you attention and caring for you.but what i really need now is friends...really hope to be her v close friend instead of being together.hmm...maybe she is just flirting lah...shall just think it that way.=)

str8 - i have a crush on this guy. hes no another guy. hes not only my fitness trainer, also my martial arts trainer. hes very fit,wooo,my type.but one thing very sad,hes 16 years older than me.haiz.but he dont look like his age at all.is this a good news?lol.hes my motivation for going to work everyday.am always looking towards his trainings.am i going crazy over him?!better not,i hope. today is just like other day, waiting for him to come in.=x.hope he just dont scold me can alrdy.better dont spoil his image in me.lolx.
whatever it is, staying single is the best! i like.=D

redang trip.

2007-06-02T11:51:00.002+08:00

the trip is too short! I want more! still remember the TV show"xia re mo mo cha"?the beach is beautiful.theres more resorts and activities now.the only irritating part is the bus journey.i guess back n forth took up 2 days of our holiday man.budget is like that one.haiz.haha.though halfway theres some corny stuff that happened among the grp.but hahaa..i still carry on my fun.=xwe should have go for more snorkelling trip!wasted!its so nice!i no longer scared of fishes!hahahas.we also took a underwater photo!cool!we went banana boating too!so exciting and fun.screaming like mad!scream my heart out!really very relaxed over there.i dont want to come back to singapore!!!how i wished i have money to extend the trip!hahaas.we took alot of pictures.will upload some of the pics in friendster.hee.
i want to enjoy my single life!do whatever i want to do.pursue what i want to.my freedom...haha.
party people!

dance~ dance~ dance~

post break up.

2007-06-02T11:51:00.001+08:00

i have so much in thots to be written down.in just 1 week,things happened so fast...4th of april is the official date of break up.its so heartbreaking.but i know this day will come sooner or later.our communication is so break down.foundation is too weak.but the love btw us is empowering.though drastic,memories are memorable.though im the 5th girl...im his 1st ***,1st to stay over at his place so many times,1st to go genting/overseas with his family,1st to see n tok to his dad,and many first times...whenever think back of the past,tears began to fill up my eyes.we had a bad ending.yet,i took alot of courage to face it,meet him up,talk things clear.no matter what had happened,things cannot be changed.i treasured this rs alot.i dont want tension to be left behind.this rs is beautiful but heart aching...during this down period,good friends are around me.staying by me.being with me.im really touched by what they have done or said.greatly appreciated.thanks karin for making honey lemon for my sickness n to encourage me to move on.thanks baoling for being my good sister.thanks jia yi for accompanying me out.thanks myra for sharing your story with me.thanks meehua for guiding me.thanks pear for encoraging me.thanks doreen,fang & becca for staying by me.thanks jia min for chatting and hanging out with me.thanks mum for being there for me.thanks cousin for caring for me.thanks adrian,alfred for the care and concern.thanks to all those out there who care for me...xie xie...i will move on...it may takes a long time...i dont know...i only can wish him all the best in his life,n find a gf who he loves.its morning alrdy.time to go to bed.leaving in the night.hope this trip will be worthwhile...take care everybody.loves.